WHAT'S THE MEANING BEHIND THE ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING OF LIFETIME'S 'DIRTY LITTLE SECRET'?

Lifetime is making a big deal about a recent hoarding drama starring Melissa Jone Hart. She's a big name among millennials as tv sweethearts Clarrisa, Sabrina, and a handful of Hallmark Christmas movies. Dirty Little Secret is a very different role for her where she plays a verbally abusive mother of three with extreme OCD and hoarding tendencies. Of course, this is nothing new for long-time fans of TLC's Hoarders and Hoarders: Buried Alive. In fact, compared to those real cases, the case of Hart's Nurse Joanna seems mild.

That's not the only thing setting apart Joanna's hoarding from some of those real cases. Because many of those reality stars seek help and turn their lives around. Hoarding is treatable, but there is something more nefarious in Joanna's head that is not treatable. The signs are hard to spot due to the Hoarding because they apply to both diagnoses. What's worse, the people outside the secret see her as a caring hero when she is anything but a hoarder, narcissist, and master deflector.

Let's start there. Joanna is praised at work for going above and beyond. She sits with patients for hours talking with them during her long shifts. However, this is not out of love. She works hard at the hospital to avoid her problems at home. She hates the conditions she brings onto herself, especially with her asthma, but she's too sick to tackle it alone. Nobody knows what the house looks like, so they naturally assume the best in her. As long as the nurse checks her temper at the door and her daughter keeps a smile on her face, there's no reason for anyone to suspect the abuse occurring at home. As long as it stays a secret, no one will require her to change. She will never change.

It's easier to walk away. That's what they do. Joanna's husband, sister, and two oldest children leave as soon as they're able. Unlike her optimistic youngest, they realize there is no helping or changing a narcissist. They give up and cut her off. The problem is that they give up on Lucy too. Everyone leaves the kids alone with a clear abuser without even the courtesy of a welfare check. So, the children resort to the one thing they can do when stuck in an unchanging situation. They do what the adults before them do. Age up, and move out. The last person to make that decision is her youngest daughter Lucy when she decides to explore college across the country.

The only adult in this story to express real concern for Lucy and try to help her is her guidance counselor. She can sense that something is wrong because Lucy shows the concerning signs of an abused child. Isolated, controlled, "distracted", and burdened. Her advice really drives the issue home for Lucy.

"You shouldn't have to worry about whether something you do or say might upset someone."

If that's not narcissistic abuse, I don't know what is. Everyone else learns to ignore or avoid the issue because they know Joanna will not change. Her denial is too strong.

Everything is temporary. Everything is "someday". Meanwhile, nothing is done to fix the hoard. It's the family's dirty little secret. As long as no one knows about it, no one will inspire change. However, the excuses for "someday" run dry. Lucy is nearing 18 and about to graduate college. Deep down Joanna senses that she's about to lose her last source of supply. She faces the day she'll be alone.

Does she handle that with grace? Does she accept that her children are all grown up? Does she seek help for her problem? Nope. In true narcissist fashion, she becomes manipulative and controlling instead. She refuses to allow Lucy to apply to college, denying that she's growing up and calling her "Baby Girl". This is manipulation to keep Lucy in her control, but the tighter she squeezes, the faster Lucy slips away.

What Lucy doesn't realize is that she's just as much a part of the hoard as the unpacked dishes and dirty blankets. Narcissists don't see their children as independent humans. They see property. They see sources of supply. Clearly, Joanna isn't very good at manipulating because she successfully drives every member of her family away from her. Until the time for denial ends, and she is left alone with her hoard.

Victims of hoarding always share their fear of the worst outcome of their loved one's hoarding behavior: to come home and find the hoarder dead, or that an uncontrollable fire burns everything to the ground with the hoarder trapped inside. "Dirty Little Secret" explores both of these consequences.

What causes those consequences for Joanna stems from her inability to care for herself. Many hoarders admit they reach an ultimate low because they've given up on themselves after a tragedy strikes. Joanna's traumatic event occurs on the day her husband walks out on her. Thus, she stops making an effort toward health and appearance. She builds walls around her to feel secure and safe.

However, the same hoard that makes her feel safe is also slowly killing her. The filmmakers do not expand on this thread, but something toxic in the house is aggravating her asthma, more so than the stress. When the inevitable day comes to face her problem, she tries to tackle the mess alone. The more stuff she disturbs, the more dust/mold she inhales. With no medicine or caretaker, the toxicity in the house becomes fatal.

The hoard attacks the hoarder. The nurse fails to heal herself. The clingy parent alienates herself from her family. She is a woman so grounded in her mental illness that no one can help her break free. Thus, she perishes in her hoard because of her own stubbornness and pride.

This is a difficult conclusion for many to accept. There is no redemption, no emotional reunions, and no happily ever after. Joanna's family is the same as her home: a big mess. In fact, the death of a narcissist is often the only way a victim of their abuse can find freedom. Otherwise, Lucy would have to go no contact with her mother and two neglectful, enabling siblings. With the death of one person, another is reborn. Lucy is finally free to follow her dreams because there is no way her mother would let her go.